grace – Erin Ulerich

When Younger Me Started Talking

This post is part of my Exploring Angkura series. Come behind-the-scenes with me as I introduce my newest project, Angkura: Hesed, my soon-to-be-released YA Christian Fantasy novel.

How’s your relationship with your younger self?

When my son was in sixth grade he had a pizza business. My parents owned a bakery, so they would help him make the pizza dough, put the pizzas together, and freeze them. He would sell them frozen from a deep freezer at our house.

A couple of years into his business, my son turned to me and said, “When I am working in the kitchen with Mama Lane and Pappy, I feel alive.” He paused and smiled. “I feel like I’m doing what I’m meant to do.”

In May we attended his Chef pinning ceremony and he asked Mama Lane to pin him. It was a beautiful full-circle moment. A moment where I realized that my son is still walking side by side with his younger self. He listened to that feeling of this is what I was made to do and pursued a degree in Culinary Arts. In that ceremony he could fist bump his younger self and say “Hey, we made it.” They will walk into the future together.

My relationship with my younger self is very different. I made choices in my teen years that I regret. I put my younger self into a perpetual time-out. She’d made too many mistakes and couldn’t be trusted.

I didn’t realize that’s what I had done until later. Life got busy and noisy with marriage, career and raising three kiddos. My younger self and her wounds were easy to ignore.

I began writing Angkura: Hesed as an adventure story for my children in 2014. In the beginning it was structured like a Magic Tree House book. Twelve chapters. The main characters were children. Non-stop action. In this early version, there were two older teens that represented me and my husband and three younger kids to represent our three children. But it wasn’t finished. The story wasn’t quite right.

The more I wrestled with the story, the more my character’s story rose to the top. And in the struggle I realized, it wasn’t my character, it was the voice of my younger self, the one I’d been ignoring all these years.

She wanted her voice back.

I did not welcome her with open arms. I was resentful about decisions she made years ago, and in the next few drafts of the story, her character was not very likeable. She was moody and angry. An early reader commented that she didn’t really like my main character.

That’s when I realized I didn’t either.

Then I read Running Away to Home by Reni Bumpas. Simply put, this book is about a young girl who made bad choices. Getting to know the main character and understanding her reasons for her terrible choices helped me feel compassion for the decisions made by my younger self. As I read this book, something happened.

Healing.

I began listening to my younger self, journaling her words. I began asking why we made the choices we did, and I listened to her answers for the first time.

After years of ignoring her, I embraced her. I forgave her. I forgave us. We began working together to shape Elizabeth’s character in Angkura: Hesed. Maybe that’s why it took me 12 years to write this book. I wasn’t just creating a world and a storyline, I was rebuilding myself.

Angkura:Hesed is our fist bump. It is our “Hey, we made it.” And I am looking forward to walking into the future with my younger self.

But there is also more to consider. My older self can look back along the span of my life and trace God’s redemption in spite of my foolishness and mistakes. I can see the beauty of the story He has been weaving this whole time. Older me can point out this beauty to younger me, because she hasn’t learned to see it yet.

Angkura:Hesed also honors the bigger story, the one God where God is weaving all of our stories together to accomplish His plans for redemption. This is where hope comes from. No matter the view from the moment where you and I are right now, we know that there is more. We know that God has good planned. This is how we walk through a broken world with hope.

We need both sides of ourselves.

Where are you today? Are you on speaking terms with your younger self? Our younger selves are messy, I know. But they have something to say, and we have something to teach them.

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Erin Ulerich lives and writes in a rural Mississippi community beside the beautiful Natchez Trace Parkway. She is the author of In Unexpected Ways: Christmas in Everyday Life, a devotional that encourages readers to notice God’s presence in the ordinary moments. Her first YA fantasy novel, Angkura:Hesed is coming soon. Connect with Erin at erinulerich.com

Connect with Erin at erinulerich.com, on Instagram and Facebook.

What Does Love Look Like?

This post is part of my Exploring Angkura series. Come behind-the-scenes with me as I introduce my newest project, Angkura: Hesed, my soon-to-be-released YA Christian Fantasy novel.

I used to be a hopeless romantic.

Between fairy tales with princesses searching for true love’s kiss, Sweet Valley High books in Junior High, and 80’s Rom-coms, I definitely had my ideas of what love should look like.

Sleeping Beauty is my favorite fairy tale because in this story the prince fights for the princess. He fought a fire-breathing dragon to rescue her.

He thought she was worth fighting for.

This shaped my definition of what love should look like: To be found worthy of fighting for.

What does love look like? is an important question because our answer drives the ways we think and act in every type of relationship. It determines our reactions when people treat us badly. It drives the way we treat others.

It is such an important question that I made it the theme of the first book in the Angkura series.

Before a YA reader picks up my book, they will already have an idea of what they think love should look like. They will probably have experienced betrayal of some kind, and I suspect they will have made some mistakes and need to know forgiveness and redemption are possible.

I can say this because we are all looking for worth, acceptance, love, and security in a broken world filled with broken people. The people in our lives don’t always fight for us, do they? Even those who love us sometimes step away when we need them most. Sometimes they look at the fire-breathing dragon and choose self-preservation instead. When that happens, we feel rejected and discarded. We hold onto destructive relationships in hopes that one day that person will see our worth.

The search for worth, acceptance, love, and security is not uncalled for. We were made to experience those things. We just look for them in the wrong places.

And that is where hesed comes in.

I was well into adulthood and parenthood when I discovered the word hesed. And I was stuck. Stuck in the gap between what God’s Word said and what I felt. God’s Word said He knew me, but I did not feel known. The Bible said I was chosen and cherished, but I was not feeling that at all. So in a moment of frustration, I told God exactly how I was feeling and asked Him to help me.

He used hesed to bridge the gap between His truth and my feelings.

Hesed is a beautiful Hebrew word. Simply put, it is God’s promise to show mercy and steadfast love to His people just because they belong to Him.

Hesed is love and action combined. Because God promises to love His people, He also promises to be loyal to them. It is faithfulness within relationship. God’s generous sense of compassion, grace, and mercy is at the heart of hesed.

Hesed is the prince picking up his sword and fighting the dragon to get to Sleeping Beauty. Hesed says I will fight for you because I love you. You are worth whatever the cost.

This grown-up little girl had been looking for that prince my entire life. I looked for him in friendships, in boyfriends, and in my marriage. I twisted myself into a human pretzel hoping to convince others that I was worth knowing and worth fighting for.

Hesed helped me see that I had it backwards. I was already chosen. I was already cherished. I already had a Prince that fought for me.

Hesed provides the things we are all searching for: worth, acceptance, love, and security because it points us to the place we were meant to find them. It points us to God. God’s love for His people is the perfect example of love.

This is what love looks like.

Discovering hesed bridged the gap between God’s truth and my feelings. It helped me see God’s tender, unfailing love for me and brought me into a closer relationship with Him. It changed the direction of my relationships. I didn’t put unrealistic expectations on those around me, because I was experiencing hesed with God.

Studying its meaning and pouring over the ways it is used in the Bible completely reshaped my definition of love. It grounded me, giving me the strength to push away the lies about my worth.

Since we are made in the image of God, we have the ability to show hesed to those around us. We can show mercy and forgiveness to someone who doesn’t deserve it. We can show compassion to those in need. Every healthy relationship we have mirrors an aspect of God’s hesed to us.

By the time a YA reader finishes my book, I hope they will know their worth and that this will guide them in their friendships and relationships. More importantly, I hope that they will have a deeper understanding of the depth and tenderness of God’s love toward them.

I am no longer a hopeless romantic, because hesed is filled with hope.

Why I Wrote A Christian Fantasy Novel

This post is part of my Exploring Angkura series. Come behind-the-scenes with me as I introduce my newest project, Angkura: Hesed, my soon-to-be-released YA Christian Fantasy novel.

Back in the late 1970’s, when there were three television stations, and my sister and I were the alternating remote controls, I remember a few shows that came on once a year: The Wizard of Oz (the flying monkeys terrified me), the Sound of Music, Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in Claymation, and a cartoon version of The Lion, the Witch, and The Wardrobe. I also remember the 1970’s version of The Hobbit, but I honestly don’t remember if it came on more than once or if the weirdness of it just etched itself permanently in my brain.

This was before streaming, before DVDs, before VHS, and the only way to watch something on TV was to be on your couch at the exact time the TV Guide told you to be. It was a very bossy little magazine.

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe fascinated me. Four children finding adventure by going through an ordinary piece of furniture? Sign me up, please!

I was young, so I didn’t catch the depth of the story the first few times I watched the movie, but I knew I did not like the scene of Aslan on the stone table and I asked questions right along with Lucy and Susan “Why doesn’t he fight? Why is he letting evil win?” Moments later, I shed tears of joy with them as Aslan came back to life.

I wasn’t a believer, and my family didn’t go to church back then, but I did go to church occasionally with my grandmothers, so I recognized the parallel of the scene of Aslan on the Stone Table and his resurrection with the death and resurrection of Jesus.

Year after year I watched the movie, and as I grew older different things stood out to me. Every time I watched the Stone Table scene, it was powerful. It brought me to tears in a way that the accounts about Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection in Scripture didn’t. It captured my imagination.

And as I grew in my faith, the scene from The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe helped me feel the range of emotions surrounding this historical event of Jesus’ crucifixion and resurrection.

It sounds a little crazy that a fantasy story could help me understand a historical event, but that is the power of story. Facts give us the framework of an event, but story captures our imagination and helps us feel the moment.

Story also lowers our defenses, so that truth can be seen. The account of King David and Nathan in 2 Samuel 12 is a perfect example of this. In the previous chapter, David, who already had numerous wives, slept with Bathsheba, another man’s wife. When she discovered she was pregnant, David tried to cover it up, and when that failed he had her husband killed.

David knew he was in the wrong. And Nathan, as a prophet, could have walked in with a list of David’s offenses. Instead, he came in with a story. A story that completely slipped through David’s defenses and brought him to repentance before the Lord.

That’s the power of story.

How does this connect with my latest project?

I love writing that traces the beauty of redemption in our stories. I love writing devotions that help people see God’s presence in the everyday moments of our lives. This project contains all of that plus adventure in story format.

Angkura: Hesed is a YA Christian Fantasy that explores the importance and the ripple effect of our decisions to hold on or to let go. It follows the story of Elizabeth and her process of trying to decide to hold on to, or let go of a relationship. But it is not just about her, because her story intersects with the stories of those around her, who experience their own battles of choosing to hold on or let go.

It is also the story of Elizabeth getting to know God and learning to trust Him.

It is Christian fantasy, because I wanted to explore the wonder and creativity of God. I wanted to describe moments when Elizabeth hears His voice and feels His presence.

It is Christian fantasy because I don’t just want Elizabeth to know Him. As the author I want every reader to get a glimpse of God in the pages of this story. I hope that believers will read Angkura:Hesed and grow closer to God. I hope non-believers will read it and be drawn in by His kindness and tender love.

I could have written articles about how to get to know God. I could write persuasive blog posts about when to hold on in situations and when to let go. I could write about building resilience. Or the importance of Biblical hope in this broken world.

I could have. And one day maybe I will. But for this project, the Lord led me to build an entire world that points people to hope. He helped me develop characters readers can cheer for and weep over as they travel through their struggles of holding on and letting go. Characters that resonate with readers and characters that help them see things in their own lives they might need to hold on to or let go of.

That is the power of story.

A Little Truth About Temptation

“Sometimes I feel close to God and I want to read the Bible and pray.” She sighed. “But sometimes I don’t. Sometimes He feels far away. What If I die when I feel far away from Him? Will I go to hell?”

It was a big question. An honest one. Maybe you’ve asked similar questions.

Let me reassure you. Once we’ve stepped into a saving relationship with Jesus, we are His and no emotion or lack of emotion can change that.

This ebb and flow is a normal experience, especially in our early years as a believer. Our relationship with the Lord fluctuates more than it is steady. There are times when we are consistent with praying and reading the Bible and there will be times when we aren’t. There will be times when we feel close to God and times when He feels far away. It’s just the way it is.

For many years I operated under the assumption that God’s love for me depended on my behavior. I thought that if I was praying and reading my Bible every day, God was pleased with me.

But if I messed up, I believed God was mad at me and let me know by causing bad things to happen. I pictured God cheering for me on the sidelines when I was doing great spiritually and being distant and disappointed when I failed. In this view there was no room for making mistakes and certainly no compassion when I fell.

And I definitely fell.

But how could I fall? Jesus conquered sin and death on the cross. I should be able to live without being bogged down by sin. Right?

He did his part, I reasoned, but I wasn’t living up to mine. I felt like I was failing at being a Christian.

The truth? Jesus did defeat sin and broke the eternal claim it had on us. He rescued us from the clutches of His enemy in the greatest rescue mission ever.

And this is where we fail to tell new believers that our rescue comes with a price. We don’t explain how salvation causes us to switch sides in a cosmic battle, or how when we accept His rescue, His enemy is now our enemy. When we step into a relationship with Jesus, our souls are safe, but the enemy will try every way to keep us from growing closer to Jesus.

He is out to get us. And he will try to distract us in any way possible. This is called temptation.

When it comes to fighting temptation, the Christian life can feel like the lyrics of a Chumbawamba song. “I get knocked down, but I get up again, you’re never going to keep me down.”

But after a while, we wonder what if I don’t get up again, because this is exhausting.

When it comes to living the Christian life, we don’t talk enough about the pull of temptation – the absolute war that goes on inside of us – how to get back up when we’ve fallen, and what God thinks of us along the way.

The Pull of Temptation: The Struggle is Real

Everything broken in this world goes back to Genesis Chapter 3. If you’ve ever wondered how the Garden of Eden applies to your life today, buckle up! This is where brokenness began.

Simply put, Adam and Eve chose to believe Satan’s lies instead of God’s truth, which brought sin and brokenness into every person born after them. Their son, Cain, grew angry and jealous of his brother, Able.

Just as God went looking for Adam and Eve when they were hiding from Him after they sinned, God went to Cain. And just as he asked them “Where are you?” to begin a conversation, He asked Cain “Why are you angry?” even though He knew what Cain was thinking and feeling. Cain didn’t answer, but God offered him some advice – a warning that his parents had not had.

God said to him. “Sin is crouching at the door. Its desire is for you, but you must rule over it.”

In her Bible study, Good News, Caroline Saunders calls this the first definition of sin. In this one verse we learn two things about sin straight from God.

Sin is out to get you. God described sin to Cain as crouching, ready to pounce. The idea is of an animal ready to pounce on its prey. Think of wildlife videos and the tension that you feel when you see the cheetah hiding in the tall grass as the gazelle herd walks peacefully by. You know what’s about to happen and it’s not good.

We must rule over it. If Genesis 4:7 is the first definition of sin, it is also the first description of what we are to do with sin. We are to rule over it. The word used for rule is mashal which means to rule, to have dominion, to have power over.

This would have been a perfect time for Cain to ask a few questions. “What do you mean?” “How do I do that?” And most importantly, “Can you help me?”

But Cain chose his own way, and instead of ruling sin, it ruled him.

God told Cain that he must rule over sin, but the truth was that Cain was powerless to rule over it on his own. He needed God’s help. Like Cain, we can’t fight sin on our own. And, like Cain, we find ourselves being ruled by it.

What should we do when we fall? Is there a way out?

Getting Back Up Again

When we give in to temptation, we expect God to deal with us the way people respond when we’ve disappointed them. But if we feel like God is disappointed in us, we will avoid Him. See how sneaky the enemy is? He tells us lies about God to keep us from running to God because he knows that we will find forgiveness in His arms.

Thankfully, Cain isn’t the only example the Bible gives us of responding to sin.

David was a man who knew God. He also knew about being ruled by sin and about getting back up again. Even though he was God’s man, he fell to some serious sins: lust, adultery, lying, murder (2 Samuel 11-12). There were consequences in David’s life due to those sins, but there was also a way back.

David wrote Psalm 51 as he repented for these sins. You see, the way to get back up is to run to God. Getting back up is found in repentance, in turning away from sin and turning back toward God. Later in his life David wrote Psalm 19. In verse 13, he is an older, wiser man as he prays these words:

Keep your servant also from willful sins; may they not rule over me.

David used the word mashal in this verse. He asks God to help him, in essence, asking God to rule over him. “David comes under the rule of the Lord to prevent sin from mashal-ing him. He does not want to make the same mistake Cain does.” (Steve Phillips Livingwordin3d.com)

When we give into temptation, when we fall, the way to get back up is to run to God. Running toward God does not come naturally to us. After all, we’ve broken His rules and ignored His warnings. Surely He is furious at us, or at the very least thinks that we deserve to suffer. This is exactly what the enemy wants us to think.

What God Thinks When We Fail

Remember that picture of God cheering for me on the sidelines when I was doing great and being distant when I failed? My view of God was skewed. Caroline Saunders says, “If we don’t know God, we assume he is like the world.” We assume that because the world is all we know. Thankfully, God’s response is filled with compassion and mercy.

God was never on the sidelines in my life or in yours. Jesus left heaven and jumped on that field, lived in this broken world, experienced everything you and I experience. He is on the field, in the middle of our messy lives. He is with us. And if He is with us, then we are not alone.

Hebrews 4:15-16 tells his thoughts toward us:

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

These words are open arms. We can hear him saying, “I know the brokenness. I know the pull of sin. Let’s walk through this together.”

He helps us fight temptation because we can’t fight it without his help. And He draws us back in when we’ve fallen. He helps us up and He draws us back in. Every. Single. Time. And each time we get up again, we fight harder out of thankfulness, instead of an effort to earn His love. Knowing that we are not facing difficulties alone, but that God is with us, builds our faith.

That is the Christian life in this broken world. We get knocked down and He helps us up again.

But it doesn’t end there. There is a day coming when he will make all things right, and when sin will not exist. Until then, we can have courage and lean closer to our compassionate Savior, because we are not fighting alone. He is always with us.

O Little Town of Bethlehem: The Loudest Quiet

My family loves to watch America’s Got Talent. You never really know what is coming up next.

AGT has the Golden Buzzer, a feature where, if a judge thinks a person or group is talented enough to go straight to the final round, they can push the literal golden buzzer to let everyone in the audience know that this group has special status. When they press it, golden confetti rains down.

There’s music and tears and much, much celebration. Everyone in that building knows when the golden buzzer is pressed. And everyone knows who was chosen.

And then, in sharp contrast, we have the little town of Bethlehem on that first Christmas, where something that had never happened…happened. God took the form of man, parted the curtain and stepped into human history.

Tthere were no cameras, no confetti, no fireworks, no parade.

In fact, it was just the opposite. No recognition. No room.

The Bible doesn’t describe what it was like for Joseph to register himself and Mary in the census. But I’m picturing long lines of people waiting, dust blowing in the hot breeze, kids pulling at their mother’s skirts. Mama, are we done yet?

When Mary and Joseph finally made it to the front of the line, I imagine the census workers checked off 2 adults and 1 child-to-be and yelled NEXT without even knowing Who this child actually was. That this child, whose presence they just checked off on a clip board, was the Messiah.

Suddenly I’m picturing the sloths at the DMV from Zootopia. Are you?

I think it is significant that Jesus came in the middle of a busy time – census, chaos, when Bethlehem was filled with people, weary people. He was lost in the crowd so to speak. He fell through the cracks. It looked as if He were insignificant.

He was born in a stable. Born in extremely poor surroundings. Even the best accommodations this world has to offer, when compared to heaven, would have been inadequate, but a messy stable?

And then there were the angels, the ones who actually grasped the significance of what Jesus left behind to come to earth as a man. They were so happy that they broke out in a glorious concert. Not in the middle of Bethlehem, not where the Jewish leaders would see it, but out in the countryside, with only a group of shepherds to witness it. And the shepherds… well, they weren’t really the right crowd to get the word out to the right people.

There were a few people who grasped what was happening. When Mary and Joseph brought Jesus to the temple in Jerusalem, Simeon and Anna knew who Jesus was because they had been waiting for Him.

Two people.

God did this amazing thing and then went about the marketing and PR all wrong.

Or did He?

I’m not the first one to think this. Jesus pushed against this idea during His entire ministry. The Jews were picturing a more aggressive Messiah, one who would take down the Romans.

But Jesus spoke to the weak, the looked down on in society – He healed those society had forgotten.

Jesus ate with sinners, talked to women, poked at the religious leaders. He chose a group of rag-tag men to be His disciples.

He did not behave right. He was doing it all wrong.

Or was He?

The greatest irony was that He came to show us what God is like and the ones who were supposed to know God didn’t recognize Him. The demons he removed from people recognized Him, but His own people didn’t really get it.

So what does this tell us, as we sit on this side of history? We who have the benefit of seeing how Christianity spread from this ragtag group of unlikely disciples to our lives today. Across the years, around the world.

At the very least, in the understatement of the year, It tells us that God’s ways of doing things are not the same as our way of doing things.

As we look closer, it also tells us that Jesus knows what it’s like to be looked over, to be misunderstood, to fall through the cracks, to not measure up to others’ expectations.

But He didn’t come to please others. He came to follow the Father’s will, to rescue the very ones who rejected Him.

And He kept His purpose always in front of Him.

The baby in the manger makes it possible for every heart to have peace with God. Every heart is important to Him, not just the ones the world deems important, not just the golden buzzer people.

He comes to those who acknowledge their need of Him. The people who know they are a mess and know they can’t fix the mess. And just when the hopelessness of that begins to sink in, that’s when He shows us that He came for our mess.

No ear may hear His coming, but in this world of sin,
Where meek souls will receive Him still, the dear Christ enters in.

If you enjoyed this post, I know you will enjoy the devotions in my new book, In Unexpected Ways: Christmas in Everyday Life. Available on Amazon in Kindle and paperback. This is an affiliate link.

This post can also be found in video form on my YouTube Channel.

Change Begins with Truth

She was sitting beside the Dean’s office when I walked by.

“How are you today?” I didn’t really expect a reply, but she surprised me.

“I’m waiting to see the Dean.”

“That doesn’t sound good. What’s going on?”

She described a fight she started, and described her background of getting into fights.

“I don’t want to keep getting into fights,but I don’t know how to stop. When I’m angry everything I’ve learned at counseling just goes out the window.” Tears welled up in her deep brown eyes. “I want to change, but I don’t know how.”

Oh wow. I can totally relate to that frustration. What about you?

Change is hard, isn’t it? And any time we introduce a habit in our life that falls in the general category of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness or self-control, you’d better believe there will be a fight.

Those are called fruit of the Spirit because it takes the power of God living inside us to help us replace our natural reactions with these.

Change isn’t easy, but it is worth pursuing.

You know what else is hard to do? Trusting God with what is going on right now, today, in our lives.

It seems easier to trust Him with our salvation than to believe that He acts in our everyday lives as part of that salvation. It seems easier to believe that He died on the cross to pay for our collective sins than to believe that this same act offers forgiveness for the ugly sins that I’m stumbling over today.

The hope that God offers, the hope He created us for, leads us to trust Him, and trusting Him gives us peace and stability in this crazy, broken world.

The hope that God offers is grounded in who He is, which has a direct impact on the way we view God, ourselves, and the world around us.

Fear keeps us in survival mode, but walking in the hope we are created for is life-giving and refreshing. How does that sound? Like a change for the better, right?

Truths to Stand On is a PDF I’ve developed to help you start walking in the hope God offers by describing ways these four characteristics of God can impact the way you live.

God’s Love *God’s Presence * God’s Provision *God’s Protection

To receive Truths to Stand On, simply fill out the form on the sidebar of this post. If you are already a subscriber, please email me at erinulerich@gmail.com or comment below and I will send you the PDF right away.

And my friend in front of the Dean’s office? With time, a teachable heart, and a stready stream of truth in her life, she could step out of the survival mode she is stuck in and begin walking in the hope she was made for.

Helping Others Fight for Hope

I am excited to have Stefani Carmichael as a guest today. Not only is Stefani is one of the Hope Warriors in my life, she is also a Hope Warrior in the lives of the teen girls that live in her dorm.

She is gifted at helping the girls see the lies that they are believing, and encouraging them to replace those lies with truth. For some of these girls, she is the first person in their lives to teach them how to fight for hope, especially when their circumstances feel hopeless.

Stefani also blogs at heartsoulstrengthandmind.com , so be sure to jump over to her site and check it out.

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Helping Others Fight for Hope

What is harder than being in a black hole?

Harder than being in the middle of a fog in your life and not seeing your way out?

In my experience, the only thing harder than that is seeing those you love sink down into that pit and knowing you cannot pull them out.

Recognizing that you cannot pull someone out of the pit is really the first step of being able to help them. I learned this the hard way. If you will expend all your energy trying to pull them out, you might get pulled into it in the process.

At the same time, you can help someone who needs hope. You cannot force them to have hope. You can’t manhandle them into feeling better.

You can inspire, encourage, and support them in their fight. You are not Rocky Balboa, you are one of those in his corner.

I am approaching this topic with lessons I have learned through experience. In the process of gaining experience we often make mistakes along the way, and I certainly have. When I write about what not to do, it’s because I have probably done it at some point in my life. I hope anytime I have made mistakes in this area, that those battling with me will extend me grace and understand the heart I have had to help.

It would be incredibly difficult to help someone fight for hope if you have never been in a situation in which you felt hopeless. I imagine we have all been to that place, but if such a time doesn’t come to mind, you might first want to take a step back and remember.

When you remember the weight of your own battle, you will be better equipped to support someone in their own time of need.

This time of remembering prepares you to listen.

This sounds easy, but Iistening well is often the hardest part. When someone you love is in a pit, you want so much for them to be out and back to normal. You may be tempted to think you know what is wrong and just jump to solutions. Don’t.

You may even know what they need to do. You may even understand. But telling them is not going to get them where they need to be. Because someone who is hopeless is not going to automatically believe you know what you are talking about and can help them.

From their perspective, there is no way out.

From their perspective, things could probably not look any bleaker.

For them to listen to any suggestions or advice, they first have to know you understand the serious position they are in. You show them this by intently listening to them, rephrasing what they have said to make sure you really do understand.

This process is also essential, because you may not understand as much as you think you do. You may have experienced a similar situation, but that doesn’t mean that your pain is the same as their pain.

There is no timeline for how long you stay in this stage with someone. There may be a lot of listening involved with some people before they believe you understand.

It may take one conversation or several before you get to the point to move forward.

When you understand well, it is time to share. The point of sharing is not to say, “That’s nothing, look at all I have been through.” Its not to compare pain. If it comes off looking this way to the person who is struggling, it will do more harm than good.

The point of sharing is to let the other person know you also have suffered in your life, and while it may have been a very different situation, you found your way out of the suffering.

This is the point where you can begin to offer hope.

The hope comes in the message that if you walked through the blackness and found yourself back in the light, against all appearances, they also can find themselves in the light again.

This doesn’t have to come from just your story. The Bible is full of stories of those who were in seemingly hopeless situations, sometimes for a very long time, before God’s deliverance.

The stories of Abraham, Joseph, the Israelites in the wilderness, Ruth, Esther, Nehemiah, and countless others attest to incredibly bleak situations that did not remain bleak.

God’s word provides encouragement to those who are in the middle of dark places. These stories entailed long periods of difficulty and do not look anything like the band-aid fixes people often offer those in the middle of serious struggles.

People in the middle of difficulty don’t need to be led into a false hope that everything will change quickly. They need a surer hope that keeps them moving when they do not see the end of their struggle in sight.

They need the hope of a 75-year-old Abraham who still doesn’t have the child of promise and won’t for over 20 more years. They need the hope of Joseph whose troubles did not end with his promotion as a slave, or even when the chief cupbearer was restored to his position. They need the hope of Esther who saw a 360 degree change from complete despair to rejoicing overnight.

Point them to the Hope-Giver

All these stories offer hope because situations changed dramatically. Dark situations are so pivotal, because in the middle of them we can give ourselves over to despair if we let ourselves.

The stories above do not simply offer hope because they show that we might find our situation change if we just keep going. They offer hope because the people in these situations have a relationship with the Hope-Giver.

The God who we can trust, who has the power to change things for our good gives hope, because he is the only one who can really change our darkest situations.

At the beginning, I wrote how understanding that you can’t pull someone out of their dark pit is essential in offering hope. But, it is also essential to understand that God can.

God is fully able to change things. And he gives promises to do just that. When a fellow brother or sister in Christ is in the pit, you can offer hope-giving promises to them.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

This verse is used so much for a very good reason. It has inspired people in their darkest hours for centuries. If you love God, this verse is a message of hope for you. Its not a band-aid to stick on a problem. It shouldn’t be thrown to someone before you have sat with them in their grief. All of Romans 8 is an encouragement to those who suffer deeply. If you read it through in entirety you see in verse 38 that this promise meant for the most difficult of situations:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38

We are hearing this from a man who is currently under house arrest, has faced beatings and being pelted with stones. He has survived a shipwreck and has a perpetual “thorn in the flesh.” Paul knows suffering when he writes this.

Do something Tangible

God’s sovereignty is a huge comfort, but it is not an excuse for inaction. You know you can’t lift someone from their pit, but you can help.

The good Samaritan did not pass by, and if our heart is aligned with God’s heart, neither will we.

Pray and ask God to show you what you can do in the person’s situation. It may be as small as flowers, or as big as getting church leaders involved to help someone financially beyond what you are capable. Sometimes there are actions we can do to help another significantly in their distress. While you don’t want to enable destructive patterns, there is a time and place for significant help.

Tangible assistance can also be things that help with their mental battle—these things need not be physical. Perhaps they are believing lies that are destructive. Have them write them out on paper, and then work with them to change each lie to a true statement that offers hope.

Walk with them

Finally, stay in the picture. Hope warriors are in a battle. Don’t just show up for the first round of the fight, stick around to see the victory.

They may need help planning steps in the right direction. Have them write out their goals and see if there are proactive steps they can take now to move in that direction. Help them plan those steps in, and cheer for them when they get past an obstacle or do something that leads them in the right direction.

There will be days when they will struggle again. They will need fresh encouragement along the way. We are all works in progress, but thankfully God’s work in us will one day be complete.

Pray

Throughout the entire process, pray. God is the one who can change things. He is the one who can give hope. He is the one who can give wisdom both to you and to the one struggling. Cry out to him, and rely on the promises he gives to his children.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Stefani Carmichael is an author, counselor, wife, daughter, mom and houseparent of teenage girls. She blogs at heartsoulstrengthandmind.com

Fighting for Hope When Things Don’t Make Sense

When the kids were little they would often say, “Mama, tell me a story!”

I would begin, “Once upon a time there were three little pigs. One built his house out of LEGOs, one built his house out of candy…”

“That’s not the way the story goes!” The kids would giggle. Or, if they weren’t in silly moods, they would cross their arms and grouch. “No! Tell it right.”

It was fun to mix up the stories. But these day I feel like I am in a story that isn’t going the way I think it should.

As I look through the Bible, I see that I’m not alone. God has always had a way of doing unexpected things. He often chose the smallest, the weakest, the most unusual way.

He promised Abraham that he would be the father of a great nation when Abraham and Sarah were too old to even have children. And then had them wait for years before Isaac was born.

He put David, the young shepherd boy, against the giant Goliath holding only a sling and a few stones.

I love reading these accounts in the Bible. I love the way God shows His power through these situations. But living out these types of stories in the year 2017 is another matter altogether. When the events are happening In real time it’s harder to trace the hand of God through the shadowy twists and turns.

In the midst of these shadows my heart whispers, “This isn’t the way the story goes, is it, God?”

And in the midst of my confusion, even as I’m questioning God, I am looking in the right direction.

When I don’t understand what God is doing, I can lean toward Him and ask. And I have. In the dark of night, in the light of day, I have asked question after question.

I’m sure you have, too.

I fully believe God can handle our asking, our ranting, our anger. I’ve found that when I seek Him, He answers gently, not through direct answers to my questions, but in revealing more about Himself.

These times make me ask Do I really know God? Do I know Him for who He says He is or do I know the version I’ve made up?

Because in these confusing times, the version we make up isn’t going to stand. These confusing times cause us to question God, to really look at Him, maybe for the first time.

He knows we don’t really need “because” statements to match our “whys”. We need Him.

Knowing God leads to trust. The more we know Him, and the more we know His tender love for us, the more we can trust His Hand in our lives.

And as I fix my gaze on who He is and who I am to Him, I find that I can trust Him with the unknown. I find that I can say, “I don’t know why this is happening, but I do know You. And I will trust what You are doing.” I can cling to his promise of His steadfast love and plentiful redemption.

Because at the heart of God, is this:

For in Him all the fullness of God was pleased to dwell, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether on earth or in heaven, making peace by the blood of his cross. (Colossians 1:19-20, ESV)

At the heart of God, the driving force behind His actions is to reconcile, to restore. To bring His people before His face. He works in and through the brokenness of this world to bring about wholeness in Him. Through the grief, through the tragedy, we can track His heart.

What does this matter? How does it connect with fighting for hope?

My measure of God is the measure of my hope. If I believe God is small, powerless, unable to save – my hope will be, at best, based on my current mood.

But if I see His majesty and power, in Scripture and in my life, my hope will be an anchor that keeps me steady in spite of mood or circumstance.

Hope that anchors reminds us of His promises. Hope that anchors reminds us of His character. Hope that anchors reminds us who we are to Him. This hope gives us strength to continue fighting, even when things don’t make sense.

God’s Vision for their Future

Day 7

God’s Vision for The Helpless

It is dangerous to our comfort zones to pray about something that is close to God’s heart, to use God’s Word to remind Him of what He has said He would do for the helpless.

Stepping into the brokenness of the world is not meant to be comfortable. It will stretch us and test our faith, but it is what we are called to do.

When we plead with God to remember His promises to be a helper to the helpless, a father to the fatherless and a refuge to the oppressed, we just may hear a still, small voice asking us, Will you be the way I keep my promises?

His vision for the helpless includes you and me.

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their afflictions, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” (James 1:27)

The concept of visiting in James 1:27 is the idea of helping, of stretching out a hand of relief. What will this look like? The answer to that question is as varied as our gifts and abilities.

It may be helping with physical needs, encouraging through notes and birthday cards, prayer, through giving financially, or a combination of these.

When we answer God’s invitation to become part of His plan of redeeming the brokenness, acknowledging His sovereignty means that we listen for His voice and follow His leading. The more our view and vision matches with God’s, the more we will see His hand at work.

Because of God’s sovereignty, we don’t have to feel rushed, or desperate or pressured. We can prayerfully and purposefully respond to the needs He places in front of us.

As we follow God’s leading to reach out to the helpless, we can pray that through the twists and turns in their life, they will see their need for Him, and that, one day, they will see Him face to face.

What limitations come to mind when you think about stepping into the brokenness of our world? What do these verses say about God’s limitations?

Jeremiah 32:17,27

Job 42:2

1 Corinthians 2:9

2 Corinthians 9:8

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We’ve made it to Day 7, but there ‘s more! Check back tomorrow for a bonus Day 8: How Could I Make A Difference? I’m Only One Person.

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Getting Involved in Orphan Care

Hearts that Hunger by Design

♥ ♥ Day 5 ♥ ♥

Hearts that Hunger By Design

At the core of our being is a desire to be connected, to be wanted, to be known. It is part of who we are because God put it there.

Sin entered the world and complicated things. Sin caused a breach in the close relationship God, Adam, and Eve shared. And today, our hearts yearn for that closeness.

People spend their lifetime searching for something to fulfill this need. But the only way it can be truly fulfilled is by the One who created us to enjoy that blessing. The One who formed our hearts is the only One who can fully answer its cry.

Psalm 65:5 describes God as the hope of all the ends of the earth. The word used for hope in this verse conveys the idea of a refuge, a safe place.

Being in relationship with God has blessings. In God’s family, we have a Redeemer (Proverbs 23:10-11). We have God’s commitment to save (Psalm 31:1). We have a refuge (Psalm 9:9-10).

The greatest need of the helpless is the same as ours – a relationship with God.

What does God do on behalf of those who are His?

Psalm 31:19

Psalm 18:1-19, 25-35

Psalm 107:6

Psalm 33:13-15

Psalm 72:12-14

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Isaiah 43:1-4

Isaiah 41:10

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This is Day 5 of The Hope of the Helpless, a 7-day devotional I wrote as a guide for praying for orphans.

The Hope of the Helpless walks us through God’s heart for the helpless, His vision for their future, and His gracious invitation to join Him in caring for them.

In honor of the International Day of Prayer for Orphans, I am posting a devotional from The Hope of the Helpless each day this week.

I am looking forward to your responses, to having real conversations about orphan care, and to talking through your questions.

If you would like to receive these posts directly to your inbox, subscribe to my mailing list on the sidebar.