life – Erin Ulerich

Not the Way It’s Supposed To Be

When it comes to dealing with grief, God doesn’t leave us to our own strength or resources. He walks through it with us. Jesus felt the same “This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be” feeling that we feel when He stood in front of Lazarus’ grave.

“This just feels wrong. This isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.”

I’ve said this many times in my life.

I said it in 8th grade when a friend committed suicide.

I said it when I watched Grandma sobbing beside the body of the man she’d loved her whole life, clutching his wedding band in her delicate hands.

I said it in 10th grade when I stood beside Pappaw’s grave, staring at the trees in the distance as the pastor spoke, clinching my fists to keep the tears from falling.

This time I was in my early 30’s sitting with my Daddy outside King Daughter’s Hospital in Yazoo City, MS where Grandma was losing her battle with Leukemia.

The familiar mixture of sorrow and anger welled up as I spit out the words.

Daddy put his arm around me while I sobbed. He waited until I was quiet, and in his deep gentle voice, he said, “Nothing about death is right. Death didn’t exist until sin entered the world. It doesn’t feel right because we weren’t made to experience death.”

Through the years I’ve often thought of Daddy’s statement. And now, as I am walking through another time of grief, the words come back to me. We weren’t made for this.

We weren’t made for this, yet we still experience it. What are we supposed to do since we don’t have the resources or strength within ourselves to walk through these shadows?

In His mercy, God doesn’t leave us to our own resources or strength. He walks through it with us. He put on our flesh, He put on our feelings, in order to be with us. And He felt this exact feeling as He stood in front of the grave of His friend Lazarus.

Jesus got mad, like we do when death strikes our loved ones. But He didn’t get angry at God, like we often do. He directed His anger at the source of the problem. He was angry at death and sin. And when He wept, He didn’t leak out a few tears or get a lump in His throat. He burst into tears.

He felt angry that the people He loved had to undergo such pain. He was indignant that sin dared to wreak such havoc. And He grieved. Rev. Wally Bumpus puts it this way. “Jesus was grieved at what death had done to the crown of God’s creation.”

Jesus was saying “This is not the way it is supposed to be.” He acknowledged the pain-filled reality.

Then He called His friend out of the grave.

Jesus felt the anger, the soul-deep turbulence that we feel when death invades our space. He is qualified to walk through grief with us. As the One who destroyed death by rising from the dead, He has the power to comfort us like no other.

Knowing that my Jesus felt this same “this isn’t right” feeling changes the way I handle my grief. Instead of trying to push it aside and ignore it, I can follow His example and acknowledge this pain-filled reality. My grief can be mingled with hope because the way things are now is not the way things will always be.

Because of Jesus, one day death will be fully dead, we will be fully alive, and things will be the way they are supposed to be for all eternity.

Helping Others Fight for Hope

I am excited to have Stefani Carmichael as a guest today. Not only is Stefani is one of the Hope Warriors in my life, she is also a Hope Warrior in the lives of the teen girls that live in her dorm.

She is gifted at helping the girls see the lies that they are believing, and encouraging them to replace those lies with truth. For some of these girls, she is the first person in their lives to teach them how to fight for hope, especially when their circumstances feel hopeless.

Stefani also blogs at heartsoulstrengthandmind.com , so be sure to jump over to her site and check it out.

***************

Helping Others Fight for Hope

What is harder than being in a black hole?

Harder than being in the middle of a fog in your life and not seeing your way out?

In my experience, the only thing harder than that is seeing those you love sink down into that pit and knowing you cannot pull them out.

Recognizing that you cannot pull someone out of the pit is really the first step of being able to help them. I learned this the hard way. If you will expend all your energy trying to pull them out, you might get pulled into it in the process.

At the same time, you can help someone who needs hope. You cannot force them to have hope. You can’t manhandle them into feeling better.

You can inspire, encourage, and support them in their fight. You are not Rocky Balboa, you are one of those in his corner.

I am approaching this topic with lessons I have learned through experience. In the process of gaining experience we often make mistakes along the way, and I certainly have. When I write about what not to do, it’s because I have probably done it at some point in my life. I hope anytime I have made mistakes in this area, that those battling with me will extend me grace and understand the heart I have had to help.

It would be incredibly difficult to help someone fight for hope if you have never been in a situation in which you felt hopeless. I imagine we have all been to that place, but if such a time doesn’t come to mind, you might first want to take a step back and remember.

When you remember the weight of your own battle, you will be better equipped to support someone in their own time of need.

This time of remembering prepares you to listen.

This sounds easy, but Iistening well is often the hardest part. When someone you love is in a pit, you want so much for them to be out and back to normal. You may be tempted to think you know what is wrong and just jump to solutions. Don’t.

You may even know what they need to do. You may even understand. But telling them is not going to get them where they need to be. Because someone who is hopeless is not going to automatically believe you know what you are talking about and can help them.

From their perspective, there is no way out.

From their perspective, things could probably not look any bleaker.

For them to listen to any suggestions or advice, they first have to know you understand the serious position they are in. You show them this by intently listening to them, rephrasing what they have said to make sure you really do understand.

This process is also essential, because you may not understand as much as you think you do. You may have experienced a similar situation, but that doesn’t mean that your pain is the same as their pain.

There is no timeline for how long you stay in this stage with someone. There may be a lot of listening involved with some people before they believe you understand.

It may take one conversation or several before you get to the point to move forward.

When you understand well, it is time to share. The point of sharing is not to say, “That’s nothing, look at all I have been through.” Its not to compare pain. If it comes off looking this way to the person who is struggling, it will do more harm than good.

The point of sharing is to let the other person know you also have suffered in your life, and while it may have been a very different situation, you found your way out of the suffering.

This is the point where you can begin to offer hope.

The hope comes in the message that if you walked through the blackness and found yourself back in the light, against all appearances, they also can find themselves in the light again.

This doesn’t have to come from just your story. The Bible is full of stories of those who were in seemingly hopeless situations, sometimes for a very long time, before God’s deliverance.

The stories of Abraham, Joseph, the Israelites in the wilderness, Ruth, Esther, Nehemiah, and countless others attest to incredibly bleak situations that did not remain bleak.

God’s word provides encouragement to those who are in the middle of dark places. These stories entailed long periods of difficulty and do not look anything like the band-aid fixes people often offer those in the middle of serious struggles.

People in the middle of difficulty don’t need to be led into a false hope that everything will change quickly. They need a surer hope that keeps them moving when they do not see the end of their struggle in sight.

They need the hope of a 75-year-old Abraham who still doesn’t have the child of promise and won’t for over 20 more years. They need the hope of Joseph whose troubles did not end with his promotion as a slave, or even when the chief cupbearer was restored to his position. They need the hope of Esther who saw a 360 degree change from complete despair to rejoicing overnight.

Point them to the Hope-Giver

All these stories offer hope because situations changed dramatically. Dark situations are so pivotal, because in the middle of them we can give ourselves over to despair if we let ourselves.

The stories above do not simply offer hope because they show that we might find our situation change if we just keep going. They offer hope because the people in these situations have a relationship with the Hope-Giver.

The God who we can trust, who has the power to change things for our good gives hope, because he is the only one who can really change our darkest situations.

At the beginning, I wrote how understanding that you can’t pull someone out of their dark pit is essential in offering hope. But, it is also essential to understand that God can.

God is fully able to change things. And he gives promises to do just that. When a fellow brother or sister in Christ is in the pit, you can offer hope-giving promises to them.

“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

This verse is used so much for a very good reason. It has inspired people in their darkest hours for centuries. If you love God, this verse is a message of hope for you. Its not a band-aid to stick on a problem. It shouldn’t be thrown to someone before you have sat with them in their grief. All of Romans 8 is an encouragement to those who suffer deeply. If you read it through in entirety you see in verse 38 that this promise meant for the most difficult of situations:

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38

We are hearing this from a man who is currently under house arrest, has faced beatings and being pelted with stones. He has survived a shipwreck and has a perpetual “thorn in the flesh.” Paul knows suffering when he writes this.

Do something Tangible

God’s sovereignty is a huge comfort, but it is not an excuse for inaction. You know you can’t lift someone from their pit, but you can help.

The good Samaritan did not pass by, and if our heart is aligned with God’s heart, neither will we.

Pray and ask God to show you what you can do in the person’s situation. It may be as small as flowers, or as big as getting church leaders involved to help someone financially beyond what you are capable. Sometimes there are actions we can do to help another significantly in their distress. While you don’t want to enable destructive patterns, there is a time and place for significant help.

Tangible assistance can also be things that help with their mental battle—these things need not be physical. Perhaps they are believing lies that are destructive. Have them write them out on paper, and then work with them to change each lie to a true statement that offers hope.

Walk with them

Finally, stay in the picture. Hope warriors are in a battle. Don’t just show up for the first round of the fight, stick around to see the victory.

They may need help planning steps in the right direction. Have them write out their goals and see if there are proactive steps they can take now to move in that direction. Help them plan those steps in, and cheer for them when they get past an obstacle or do something that leads them in the right direction.

There will be days when they will struggle again. They will need fresh encouragement along the way. We are all works in progress, but thankfully God’s work in us will one day be complete.

Pray

Throughout the entire process, pray. God is the one who can change things. He is the one who can give hope. He is the one who can give wisdom both to you and to the one struggling. Cry out to him, and rely on the promises he gives to his children.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

Stefani Carmichael is an author, counselor, wife, daughter, mom and houseparent of teenage girls. She blogs at heartsoulstrengthandmind.com

God’s Vision for their Future

Day 7

God’s Vision for The Helpless

It is dangerous to our comfort zones to pray about something that is close to God’s heart, to use God’s Word to remind Him of what He has said He would do for the helpless.

Stepping into the brokenness of the world is not meant to be comfortable. It will stretch us and test our faith, but it is what we are called to do.

When we plead with God to remember His promises to be a helper to the helpless, a father to the fatherless and a refuge to the oppressed, we just may hear a still, small voice asking us, Will you be the way I keep my promises?

His vision for the helpless includes you and me.

“Religion that is pure and undefiled before God the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their afflictions, and to keep oneself unstained from the world.” (James 1:27)

The concept of visiting in James 1:27 is the idea of helping, of stretching out a hand of relief. What will this look like? The answer to that question is as varied as our gifts and abilities.

It may be helping with physical needs, encouraging through notes and birthday cards, prayer, through giving financially, or a combination of these.

When we answer God’s invitation to become part of His plan of redeeming the brokenness, acknowledging His sovereignty means that we listen for His voice and follow His leading. The more our view and vision matches with God’s, the more we will see His hand at work.

Because of God’s sovereignty, we don’t have to feel rushed, or desperate or pressured. We can prayerfully and purposefully respond to the needs He places in front of us.

As we follow God’s leading to reach out to the helpless, we can pray that through the twists and turns in their life, they will see their need for Him, and that, one day, they will see Him face to face.

What limitations come to mind when you think about stepping into the brokenness of our world? What do these verses say about God’s limitations?

Jeremiah 32:17,27

Job 42:2

1 Corinthians 2:9

2 Corinthians 9:8

*********************************

We’ve made it to Day 7, but there ‘s more! Check back tomorrow for a bonus Day 8: How Could I Make A Difference? I’m Only One Person.

Don’t want miss out on any of the fighting-for-hope encouragement that goes on around here? Sign up for our mailing list in the sidebar.

Getting Involved in Orphan Care

Suffering & God’s Sovereignty

♥ ♥ Day 6 ♥ ♥

God’s view of suffering

As he passed by, he saw a man blind from birth. And his disciples asked him, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?”

Jesus answered, “It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be displayed in him.” (John 9:1-3)

In His Sovereignty, God gave this man the condition of blindness at birth. He was unable to change his situation without God’s direct intervention.

In the suffering we see and experience, we don’t have Jesus standing there, explaining the purpose for the suffering. In fact, in the moment, it is very hard to see how suffering can bring God glory.

In Growing Your Faith, Jerry Bridges sums up three truths God’s Word teaches us about God and our adversities in this way:

God is completely sovereign. God is infinite in wisdom. God is perfect in love. God in His love always wills what is best for us. In His wisdom, He always knows what is best. And in His sovereignty, He has the power to bring it about.

These assurances can change the way we react to suffering. They give us the ability to look for evidence of God working in the darkness. They give us confidence to pray God’s words back to Him.

We can respectfully say, “Your Word says that You are the helper of the fatherless. It says that You have not forsaken the needy.” And we can pray for God to act.

In His Sovereignty He places each of us right where we are.

In His Sovereignty He uses suffering in our stories to bring us to Himself.

What is God’s view of suffering? What is His goal?

Romans 8:28

Psalm 40:1-3

2 Corinthians 4:17-18

Romans 5:1-11

James 1:2-4

1 Peter 1:3-7

************************************

This is Day 6 of The Hope of the Helpless, a 7-day devotional I wrote as a guide for praying for orphans.

The Hope of the Helpless walks us through God’s heart for the helpless, His vision for their future, and His gracious invitation to join Him in caring for them.

In honor of the International Day of Prayer for Orphans, I am posting a devotional from The Hope of the Helpless each day this week.

I am looking forward to your responses, to having real conversations about orphan care, and to talking through your questions.

If you would like to receive these posts directly to your inbox, subscribe to my mailing list on the sidebar.

If God Is King, What Kind of King Is He?

♥♥Day 3♥♥

What Kind of King is He?

Having someone in authority over us is fearful when we don’t know what they are going to do with their power. On the human level we have experienced leaders who wielded their authority in abusive ways.

If God is in control, what is He going to do with that control?

What kind of King is He?

He is the kind of King who was so concerned with our salvation, so moved by His desire to see His people face to face in eternity, that He who was 100% God also became 100% man.

Jesus went through the cities and villages, proclaiming the Gospel and healing every disease and every affliction. When He saw the crowds, He had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. (Matthew 9:35-36)

Jesus knew the people in the crowds were created for more than being harassed and helpless. He healed them physically to show His power to heal them spiritually as well.

He is the kind of King who lived in the broken world we live in and has felt every emotion we feel.

He knows what it is like to be abandoned.

He knows what it is like to feel broken-hearted over the helpless.

Knowing what kind of King God is helps us trust Him, especially when we don’t understand what He is doing.

When His path is untraceable, we can trust His heart.

List the words and phrases that describe the kind of King God is.

Isaiah 54:10 Psalm 12:5-8

Psalm 99:4-5 Psalm 146:9-10

Psalm 10: 16-18 Psalm 147:5

Deut. 10:14-15, 17-18 Zephaniah 3:17

Psalm 9:7-10 Hebrews 4:14-16

Psalm 107

***********************************************

This is Day 3 of The Hope of the Helpless, a 7-day devotional I wrote as a guide for praying for orphans.

The Hope of the Helpless walks us through God’s heart for the helpless, His vision for their future, and His gracious invitation to join Him in caring for orphans.

In honor of the International Day of Prayer for Orphans on November 11, I am posting a devotional from The Hope of the Helpless each day this week.

I am looking forward to your responses, to having real conversations about orphan care, and to talking through your questions.

If you would like to receive these posts directly to your inbox, subscribe to my mailing list on the sidebar.

When Hope Seems Foolish

I wrote this post back in 2015, and although the news reports in 2018 are a little different, the need for hope remains the same.

*************************************

Hopelessness is sneaky. It erodes the hope I’m standing on, as I’m standing on it.

I feel hopeless when I watch the news. Seeing the waves of people fleeing the war in Syria, running from the unimaginable, toward the unknown. The anxious faces of children riding on the backs and shoulders of their fathers, uncles, and brothers. The fear on the adults’ faces as they are stopped by high fences and border patrols.

And the question rings out, mockingly, “Where is hope now?”

The situation is so dire that it seems foolish to even bring up the word hope. It makes more sense to let hope wash away into the darkness and allow hopelessness to take its place.

Or so the darkness would like us to think.

The darkness does not fight fair. It hits us when we are tired, weak and worn. It whispers to our hearts, “You are just one person. How could you make a difference in this situation? There is no hope.”

But the darkness is wrong.

God has been fighting against the darkness for quite a while. He knows the darkness is convincing, so He sends out sparks of hope in the darkest of times.

He gave the first spark of hope in the Garden of Eden, when Adam and Eve realized the cost of that one bite of fruit, when darkness gave a victorious cry believing it had ruined God’s beautiful plan for mankind. Even then in that moment, tucked in among the tragic, world-changing consequences, God gave Adam and Eve a spark of hope, the hint of a Savior who would defeat the darkness, in Genesis 3:15.

Jeremiah 32, describes another dark time for God’s people. The Babylonian army was outside the walls of Jerusalem, marching closer every day. Defeat was certain. And God told Jeremiah to buy a piece of land.

It sounds foolish. But in a city about to be overtaken, for a people about to be carried off and scattered, in the darkest of times, God had a message of hope. He told Jeremiah to buy land and to put the deed into a clay jar because “houses and fields and vineyards shall again be bought in this land.”

So Jeremiah bought land.

This message did not erase the fall of the city, nor did it take away the violence of the invasion. but it provided a spark of hope. It sent a message that this was not the end, this was not the last chapter, and God would bring good again.

And now, all these years later, God still sends sparks of hope in the darkest of times. For the men, women and children looking for safety from a war-torn country, this is not the end. The story of their lives is still being written. This is a very dark chapter, to be sure.

The darkness would convince us that God does not see, or hear, or care because we can’t see Him working. We can stand firm, confident that He is. Or, in those moments when we do doubt, we can take this doubt to Him instead of blindly believing the lies of the darkness. We can cry out, even in the midst of darkness, for God to work in a mighty way.

This holds true for your life as well. As you walk through your days, do you feel doubt rise up and whisper “There is no hope?”

The darkness wants you to believe that you are without hope and powerless to change the situation. It wants to convince you that you are alone.

But the truth shines in the darkness: God is the God of hope.

And because of that, even in the darkness we can plant our feet firmly and cling to truth. This is not the end. This is not the last chapter. God will work in this.

The darkness is as light to Him. He sees. He hears. He knows. And He will lead His people through sparks of hope.

When you find yourself surrounded by darkness, please remember

This is not the end. This is not the last chapter.

And, my friend, you are not alone. Keep fighting for hope.

It’s A Wrap!

I’m blowing the (virtual) dust off the bog today after a summer of no writing.

Well, that’s not entirely true.

I wrote grocery lists, snarky texts to blow off steam after surviving pre-teen drama storms, and SOS texts to my husband when those storms reached critical mass.

That is not the kind of writing that fills my soul with joy.

In the midst of surviving the summer, I learned something the hard way.

After creating an entire video series on the 5 areas that are critical for taking care of ourselves, this summer I neglected 99% of these areas.

(What kind of person creates an entire video series and then doesn’t follow her own advice? Geez.)

This neglect impacted every part of my life. Not all at once, of course. But as the weeks went by, I grew more agitated, more reactive. I didn’t like being around myself. I wasn’t nice to myself either.

This experience makes me even more convinced that these 5 areas really are CRITICAL for living life with courage, strength, and resolve. Just ask the people who had to live with me while I spiraled into my pit.

Today I am so excited to share the final video in the series, the wrap-up, with a few thoughts about badass-ness and fighting for hope. I encourage you to go back and watch the entire series. The videos aren’t long, because getting back to badass isn’t complicated, it just takes focus.

I created this video series because I firmly believe that the way we care for ourselves impacts the way we fight for hope. When I am feeling badass, when I am living life with courage, strength, and resolve, I make brave decisions, I speak up for what is right, I respond to situations instead of reacting in anger and panic. It gives me strength as I fight for hope.

Our world needs more of this kind of badass.

The Back to Badass Wrap-Up

Sparks of Hope

Each of us fight battles as we live, day-by-day, in this broken world. If we keep our eyes on the battle we are sure to grow weary. When we recognize the sparks of hope around us, we find rest in the midst of our battle.

Sparks of hope are vital in the fight for hope because they awaken a quiet, fierce strength inside of us.

Sparks of hope remind us that we are warriors. Hope Warriors.

Sparks of hope stir our courage and remind us that hope is worth fighting for. Feeling courage reminds us that we are not meant to live life numb.

Sparks of hope are a reminder in the midst of our battle that there is a bigger story. And that our part of the bigger story is worth telling.

Sparks of hope sharpen our focus and our determination that the free fall will not define us and the darkness will not win.

The sparks of hope that give me courage usually involve words, beauty, and music.

A beautiful sunset reminds me of God’s faithfulness and His promise to never leave me.

A Bible verse on the drive through window of a coffee shop reminds my heart to hang on to hope.

A line in a movie may speak to me in a way the screenwriter never could have known.

The lyrics and music of a song reminds me that I am not alone. (This song also makes me dance.)

Sparks of hope remind us who we are and what we are fighting for.

What sparks of hope have you seen lately? I’d love to hear about it.

What Is Brokenness?

As I’ve put thoughts to paper and shoes on the idea of fighting for hope, I’ve described Hope Warriors in this way:

“Hope warriors are people who know their own brokenness, who aren’t afraid of the brokenness they see in others. They are people who say ‘I am with you. You are not alone.’”

What in the world is brokenness and what does it have to do with being a warrior? Warriors are brave and fierce and broken things should be fixed.

Right?

When things are broken, yes. Bring on the duct tape and the superglue. But when people are broken, it is a different matter altogether.

Brokenness is messy and scary…. and beautiful. It takes courage and ferocity and tenacity to deal with our own brokenness. Brokenness is something I couldn’t describe until I saw it lived out in the lives of Hope Warriors around me. And I wanted what they had.

To me, brokenness is seeing ourselves for who we truly are and accepting our story for what it is. It is looking at all the things, the ingredients, that make up our life – things that happened to us, things that we did to others, all the success, failures, and regrets. It is looking at ourselves honestly.

And that takes courage.

To know our own brokenness means that we stop running from ourselves and our story. It means that we look ourselves in the eye and see us for who and what we really are. None of us are as put together or confident as we would like people to think. On the flip side, we are also not as worthless as we’ve made ourselves believe.

Brokenness is bringing these two misconceptions into the light so that we can see ourselves for who we truly are, we can see our story for what it truly is, and begin to live. Once we stop running from our story, we can begin to write the next chapters of our story with purpose.

We don’t face our brokenness alone. Our brokenness is one reason God came to be with us in this world. Jesus was sent to “bind up the brokenhearted.” (Isaiah 61:1) He left the perfection of heaven to be near to us in our brokenness (Psalm 34:18), and to heal us (Psalm 147:3)

The Hebrew word for broken in these verses shabar, which means to break, crush, destroy.

So we could read it like this:
The Lord is near to those whose heart has been broken.
He was sent to heal those who hearts have been crushed.
He heals those whose hearts have been destroyed.

The word shabar also has the meaning “to bring to the birth.” I love this meaning because when our hearts are crushed, it gives room for the birth of something new. The birth of realizing our need for Christ, the birth of clear sight, the birth of a new direction for our life.

So, the crushing gives way to something beautiful.

The crushing itself is not pretty, or graceful or easy. But we don’t have to fear it. We can see it for what it is, and then let it give birth to something new in our lives. Because sometimes the hardest, most ugliest things end up being fertilizer for the most beautiful.

And as we grow more comfortable with our own brokenness, we can be gentle with the brokenness in others, and reach out to them saying “You are not alone in this.”

Brokenness is messy and scary, beautiful and brave…just like you.

Broken Places

When we are sitting in the darkness with our unanswered prayers, our unfulfilled dreams, and the ache of empty places in our heart it is easy to lose hope. It is easy to believe that things will never change. It is easy to believe that God doesn’t see, doesn’t hear, and doesn’t even care.

The truth is God does see. He does hear our prayers. He does care.

He gathers our tears in His bottle (Psalm 56:8), He is for us (Psalm 56:9), and He works in the broken places to answer the deepest cries of our heart.

I’m so excited to have Becky Spies as my guest today. Becky shares how God beautifully redeemed the broken and hurting places in her life in her post That Time I Got A Letter From God.

You can connect with Becky at her blog girl, redeemed at beckypricespies.com